Oh Christmas Tree! A Yuletide Mystery

Last year, we had a big, beautiful, real tree that sadly made me claustrophobic for about 6 weeks and then decayed in our backyard for another 6 months. Though lovely, this tree got in my personal space.


This year, I wanted something smaller and more compact that would not have to be laboriously disposed of later on. When I saw an Alpine tree in a store display, it seemed like the perfect alternative. After some research, I ended up ordering one online from Target.

This afternoon, I was all ready to write up a review of said Alpine Christmas tree. I was going to mention how it’s super light and easy to assemble, that I set it up last Thursday in about 20 minutes, and it’s a huge space-saver that’s perfect for our small-ish living room.

But then I got an email from Target this afternoon saying that my tree has shipped. Not arrived. Not arrived 4 days ago. Shipped. So suddenly, my thoughts turned from “Hey, isn’t my tree cool?” to “Where the hell did this tree come from, and how did it get here?”

Here’s the timeline:

  • Saturday after Thanksgiving: Purchased the tree at Target.com.
  • The following Wednesday: Got an email from UPS that a package would be delivered the next day. I was expecting two packages–the tree and an order of upholstery foam–but I’d been tracking the foam and knew it couldn’t be that. The tree seemed to have shipped a lot faster than Target indicated, but whatever–Target is awesome!
  • Thursday: Package was on the porch when I got home from work–it was the tree! Yay! I set it up immediately.
  • Saturday: Got an invoice from a company I’d never heard of for a different amount than my Target tree cost. It was billed to Justin and shipped to me under my maiden name at our address AND a PO Box number I’ve never seen before. Yes, this seemed weird, but it still did not occur to me that the tree in my house is not the Target tree.
  • Today (Monday): Get an email from Target that the tree has shipped. Now it is clear even to an exceptionally dense person like myself that the tree in my living room is not the one I ordered from Target, but I still don’t have any idea who ordered that tree. I have no children, and so far the chihuahuas have not shown evidence of being able to use the internet well enough to place an online order.

The good news (I guess?) is that the mystery tree is cheaper than the one I thought I ordered, and it got here faster. As I was going to say in my planned review, I’m pretty happy with it, so I guess the Target tree will go back whenever it arrives. Normally I would be very weirded out by a situation like this, but in the spirit of the mystical holiday that is Christmas (and not at all to compare the birth of Christ to an accidental online purchase), I’m choosing to embrace what I completely don’t understand.

The tree looks great and is much more easier to live with than last year’s tree. Fatty even got inspired to make an appearance in the photo. Doesn’t he look PUMPED?

7 foot slim Alpine Christmas tree from Target

Because of the sparse-ness of the branches, I didn’t hang all our ornaments, but I couldn’t leave this fuzzy guy out.

Fuzzy owl ornament

Happy holidays, you guys! Here’s to a season that’s full of surprises.


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